I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
