I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
