Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
