she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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