You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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