Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
