thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
