So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
