i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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