Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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