there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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