last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
