if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize