she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
