i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
