wanna go halves on a baby?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They have beer where we have blood.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
