there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
