I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize