Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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