those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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