he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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