you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
