there's paper in my vomit.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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