I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
