made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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