Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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