you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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