So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
