The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im holly from the hills drunk
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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