i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You can't just leave with hair like that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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