ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
