I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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