Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
