WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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