Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
