I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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