Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
