I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
