i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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