i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
