You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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