Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
