stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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