Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
