I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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