weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
