No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
