Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
