At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
