yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
