i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
