why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im six kinds of drunk right now
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
