My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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