Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
