My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
