Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
