i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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