I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
