do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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