Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
