i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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