she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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