I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
