he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize