either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
