I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
