I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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