Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
