She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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