She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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