you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
