one two three fourrrrnication!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
