i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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