as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i came on her dog
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
