i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
