Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
