I will die if light touches me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
