I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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