haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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