And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
