i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
