he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
