Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
