You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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