eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
